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Sex after Abuse


I wanted to share this with many of my sisters who were victims at one time.  When we become child victims of child sexual abuse at early ages in life. >

Now you understand what could happen, if we don’t treat our children to help direct them and give choices of healthy living.

I never felt real love, until I met ME. After therapy, I had a better understanding for who I was. When you have been a victim of sexual abuse and physical abuse. We don’t understand the sensations our bodies feel. The feeling of a orgasim is always the same, regardless if your abuser is raping you or your voluntarily allowing others to rape your body. When you have dealt with the mental healing of YOUR mind, you then, deal with the physical healing. I found myself working extra hard in the bedroom, because I didn’t know how to accept, release and feel an orgasm. When you’re a victim, you block many of your emotions out, sometimes forever. I was determined to allow myself to be pleased. I became more comfortable with my own body, I didn’t feel ashamed to tell my husband, right there (my spot). Several times, I had to picture my abusers face to over come the anxiety,depression,abuse he caused in my life. It was a great way to heal, of course I never mentioned that to my husband, it didn’t matter what his thought was about how I healed myself. I felt, I wasn’t cheating onmy spouse, but needed to overcome the abusers torture. Mentally, I cursed my abuser, told him, this is what you have beaten me up for, raped me a child, this is what you wanted, the vagina. Take it, I pictured myself, spitting in his face, with great pleasure. The visualization allowed me to heal ME. After, I had taken myself through processing the entire thought while having sex with my husband it allowed me sexual freedom. I was able to discuss my sexual darkness with my husband. That moment, allowed me to restore orgasimsatisfaction. Now, neighbors hear me scream. We do HEAL from Abuse. We must first forgive ourselves.

Sending Love Of Healing



Physical Illnesses

For others, the way they coped led to illness.
Pelvic disorders.
Problems with sexual organs, asthma, arthritis.


Number of reasons to blame self.
Told by the offender.
Try to find a reason why.
Must have been bad.
Non-supportive, non-offending parent didn’t believe them.
Removed from their family.
Family may have divided its loyalties.
Might have experienced sensual or sexual pleasure.
Not unusual for the only attention or love the child received was through the sexually abusive acts.

Fear of

The abuser abusing them again.
The abuser retaliating against them.
Being different.
Bodily damage.
Fear of the unknown.
  Fear of repeating the family pattern.
Fears over time can develop into paranoia or cause panic attacks which restrict a victim/survivor’s life functioning.


Results from the tremendous sense of loss.
Loss of oneself.
Loss of one’s family.
Loss of one’s childhood.
Loss of one’s control over life.
Overwhelming variety of feelings and problems.
Shut out others.
World has not been a safe place.


Identify themselves predominantly in terms of having been victimized.
Internalize this image as negative, dirty, or damaged.
Told directly.
By being the object of victimization.
Felt uncared for, undeserving, worthless, and humiliated.
Worthless and humiliated.
Don’t recognize the inner strength and courage to have endured such trauma.
This inhibits the initial momentum to start the healing process and recognize their right to love free from victimization.

Anger (may be evident due to)

Lack of protection.
Disruption in present relationships.
Go through painful process.
Anger if not expressed openly, been turned inward as a previous coping mechanism that was necessary for survival.
Result in self-destructive patterns.
Necessary part of the healing process is getting in touch with this anger.
Placing in proper source.
Express it in a healthy way.

Inability to Trust

Bond of trust is violated.
Carry this distrust to adult relationships.
Related to the individual’s ability to trust their own feelings, perceptions and judgment regarding the world around them.

Role Boundary Confusion

Particularly if it occurred between family members.
No clear boundaries.
Not even clear physical boundaries or private space.
Bedroom doors removed, no locks.
Position of housekeeper, sexual parent, caretaker.


Necessary part of healing is grieving.

Issues of Power/Control

Power and control have been taken.
In an attempt to regain control, become very authoritarian, inflexible
Another example victimization of younger children to try to re-enact what happened to them and regain control.
Other end of the spectrum is developing relationships with people that are perceived as having more power and control than themselves.
This essentially is a continuance of the role of a weaker, powerless person who is devoid of assertiveness skills.

Social Skills

Isolated in order to keep the secret.
Role reversal.
Barrier between the child and his or her peers.
Carries into adulthood.
Poor development of healthy social skills.
Society also further isolates and stigmatized sexual abuse victims with insensitivity, uncomfortableness and victim-blaming.

Family Script

Learning of unhealthy patterns.
Final long-term effect.
Re-writing this family script of dealing.

Sexual Intimacy Concerns

Normal sexuality.
Learn to respect their bodies.
Own their bodies
Sexually abused child has had this normal sexuality development interrupted.
Their body is not theirs.
Do not learn how to say “No.”
Touch is associated with hurt.
Negative self body image.
Covering the body with tots of layers of clothes.
Being large in body size and unapproachable or thin.

Other Sexual Intimacy Concerns

Feel unclean, damaged.
Interferes with establishing healthy sexual relationships as an adult
Touch is equated with negative, fearful.
Message is sex is bad, sex is dirty.
Feelings and experiences may in adulthood is through sexualizing all relationships.
To be loved, cared for and ask for sex.
May sexualized even non-sexual needs.
Establishing intimate relationships as adults, may not know how to give or receive nurturing.
Close physical experience may be threatening or uncomfortable.
Sabotage relationships.




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      Resultant behavior from the long-term effects of sexual abuse is self-destructive.
      Escape the painful memories.
      Drug or alcohol abuse..
      Eating addiction.
      Self mutilation.