“You look just like your fucking father”, I hate him and I hate you. I go out my way to give you what you need Adam. I can’t ask you to make me feel better, I only ask you for 1 simple thing and a boy who loves his mother would do it. Your just like your father, ungrateful, disrespectful, stupid.
These perfect looking families have a lot of secrets. We may not know what triggered Adam to act out such a brutal crime. This is the time for society to look into issues that relate to mental illness. First you must come out of denial; second you need to understand, what abuse is and the effects it could have on the victims. Abuse does not discriminate! As a survivor of sexual abuse by a parent, I think about Adam’s mental state if his mother was abusing him and if it was going on into adulthood for this young man. To many abusers that get away with it, make it a lifestyle for victims that are dependent upon them. Think about the grooming techniques I call them control techniques: They the abuser gives it great thought about which child they are going to abuse, 1st. 2nd they gain your trust, that was easy for Nancy; Adams dad turned his back on him when they divorced. 3. Filling a need, Nancy already filled the needs for Adam, all the things he didn’t have, she provided, she was his friend, the only one he could depend on, the only one that understood him. 4. Isolating the child that’s another easy task for Nancy, Adam was a homebody, a loner, not many friends. Nancy frequented the bar at least 3 – 4 times a week, she would bring home food and I am sure she had a few Chardonnay as reports have stated. 5.Now she is what many would call sexualizing the relationship, making him feel comfortable walking around naked. Taking showers with the doors open, swimming naked together. This was another easy task for Nancy; if she started abusing this kid when he was young, the habit of walking around naked, bathing together, was a part of a normal routine. 6. Now Nancy is in a relationship a sexual relationship with her son. As Adam has grown older, he realizes this isn’t right. Nancy would blame him, make him feel inadequate and require him to continue to participate. This is rape, not a relationship as therapist would like to call it. Adam wanted out, he wanted her to stop. Nancy would humiliate Adam, talk down to him, she would tell him, it was his fault. Of course this is speculation from my point of view, but I want you to get a visual, women, mothers do rape and physically abuse their children. Boys or girls. His actions revealed anger, towards his mother, and just maybe he felt in his mind, those kids were better off. Result of ignoring the signs.
My Step-father abused me, sexually, after each time he would buy me something new, the older I got the bigger the gifts got. I remember telling him I hate you, he made the entire family suffer because I belittled him. He physically beat my mother up, and told me I would not get an allowance for 1 month. His retaliation to me; he raped me 4 x’s a week for a month. Yes, my mother knew this was going on. She did nothing. She is narcissistic. He sexually abused my other siblings, they both have mental illness from the abuse. One had a nervous breakdown at age 32. The other, has so much anger inside, she hates herself and the world around her. Oh by the way, our family was one of those very well to do families. If anyone was going to help us, it would have been a family member, who had enough courage to take a stand for what’s right. If you need more info on Grooming, you can go to Oprah’s website and find:
Child Sexual Abuse: 6 Stages of Grooming
By Dr. Michael Welner
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Child-Sexual-Abuse-6-Stages-of-Grooming/2#ixzz2FMTSHDSM
I agree with the techniques used to groom us, they aren’t geared towards parents abusing their children. It’s a start. If you need help because you are being abused,raped,incest, please contact http://www.RAINN.org they can provide you with resources to help save your life or someone else’s.
Child abuse is the physical, sexual or emotional mistreatment or neglect of a child or children. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the Department for Children And Families (DCF) define child maltreatment as any act or series of acts of commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child. Child abuse can occur in a child’s home, or in the organizations, schools or communities the child interacts with. There are four major categories of child abuse: neglect, physical abuse, psychological or emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.
Emotional abuse is defined as the production of psychological and social deficits in the growth of a child as a result of behavior such as loud yelling, coarse and rude attitude, inattention, harsh criticism, and denigration of the child’s personality. Other examples include name-calling, ridicule, degradation, destruction of personal belongings, torture or killing of a pet, excessive criticism, inappropriate or excessive demands, withholding communication, and routine labeling or humiliation.
Victims of emotional abuse may react by distancing themselves from the abuser, internalizing the abusive words, or fighting back by insulting the abuser. Emotional abuse can result in abnormal or disrupted attachment development, a tendency for victims to blame themselves (self-blame) for the abuse, learned helplessness, and overly passive behavior.
Effects of child sexual abuse include guilt and self-blame, flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia, fear of things associated with the abuse (including objects, smells, places, doctor’s visits, etc.), self-esteem issues, sexual dysfunction, chronic pain, addiction, self-injury, suicidal ideation, somatic complaints, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, other mental illnesses (including borderline personality disorder and dissociative identity disorder, propensity to re-victimization in adulthood, bulimia nervosa, physical injury to the child, among other problems.
In the United States, approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often brothers, fathers, mothers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases. In over one-third of cases, the perpetrator is also a minor.
An estimated 905,000 children were victims of child abuse or neglect in 2006 (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2008). While physical injuries may or may not be immediately visible, abuse and neglect can have consequences for children, families, and society that last lifetimes, if not generations. 2012 there are 60 million adult survivors of child abuse.
Researchers also have begun to explore why, given similar conditions, some children experience long-term consequences of abuse and neglect while others emerge relatively unscathed. The ability to cope, and even thrive, following a negative experience is sometimes referred to as “resilience.” A number of protective and pro-motive factors may contribute to an abused or neglected child’s resilience. These include individual characteristics, such as optimism, self-esteem, intelligence, creativity, humor, and independence, as well as the acceptance of peers and positive individual influences such as teachers, mentors, and role models. (Fraser & Terzian, 2005).
Today we are 60 million survivors strong.