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The Real Truth behind Adam Lanza

adam Lanza

“You look just like your fucking father”, I hate him and I hate you. I go out my way to give you what you need Adam. I can’t ask you to make me feel better, I only ask you for 1 simple thing and a boy who loves his mother would do it. Your just like your father, ungrateful, disrespectful, stupid.

These perfect looking families have a lot of secrets. We may not know what triggered Adam to act out such a brutal crime. This is the time for society to look into issues that relate to mental illness. First you must come out of denial; second you need to understand, what abuse is and the effects it could have on the victims. Abuse does not discriminate! As a survivor of sexual abuse by a parent, I think about Adam’s mental state if his mother was abusing him and if it was going on into adulthood for this young man. To many abusers that get away with it, make it a lifestyle for victims that are dependent upon them. Think about the grooming techniques I call them control techniques: They the abuser gives it great thought about which child they are going to abuse, 1st. 2nd they gain your trust, that was easy for Nancy; Adams dad turned his back on him when they divorced. 3. Filling a need, Nancy already filled the needs for Adam, all the things he didn’t have, she provided, she was his friend, the only one he could depend on, the only one that understood him. 4. Isolating the child that’s another easy task for Nancy, Adam was a homebody, a loner, not many friends. Nancy frequented the bar at least 3 – 4 times a week, she would bring home food and I am sure she had a few Chardonnay as reports have stated. 5.Now she is what many would call sexualizing the relationship, making him feel comfortable walking around naked. Taking showers with the doors open, swimming naked together. This was another easy task for Nancy; if she started abusing this kid when he was young, the habit of walking around naked, bathing together, was a part of a normal routine. 6. Now Nancy is in a relationship a sexual relationship with her son. As Adam has grown older, he realizes this isn’t right. Nancy would blame him, make him feel inadequate and require him to continue to participate. This is rape, not a relationship as therapist would like to call it. Adam wanted out, he wanted her to stop. Nancy would humiliate Adam, talk down to him, she would tell him, it was his fault. Of course this is speculation from my point of view, but I want you to get a visual, women, mothers do rape and physically abuse their children. Boys or girls. His actions revealed anger, towards his mother, and just maybe he felt in his mind, those kids were better off. Result of ignoring the signs.

My Step-father abused me, sexually, after each time he would buy me something new, the older I got the bigger the gifts got. I remember telling him I hate you, he made the entire family suffer because I belittled him. He physically beat my mother up, and told me I would not get an allowance for 1 month. His retaliation to me; he raped me 4 x’s a week for a month. Yes, my mother knew this was going on. She did nothing. She is narcissistic. He sexually abused my other siblings, they both have mental illness from the abuse. One had a nervous breakdown at age 32. The other, has so much anger inside, she hates herself and the world around her. Oh by the way, our family was one of those very well to do families. If anyone was going to help us, it would have been a family member, who had enough courage to take a stand for what’s right. If you need more info on Grooming, you can go to Oprah’s website and find:
Child Sexual Abuse: 6 Stages of Grooming
By Dr. Michael Welner

Read more:
I agree with the techniques used to groom us, they aren’t geared towards parents abusing their children. It’s a start. If you need help because you are being abused,raped,incest, please contact they can provide you with resources to help save your life or someone else’s.

Child abuse is the physical, sexual or emotional mistreatment or neglect of a child or children.[1] In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the Department for Children And Families (DCF) define child maltreatment as any act or series of acts of commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child. Child abuse can occur in a child’s home, or in the organizations, schools or communities the child interacts with. There are four major categories of child abuse: neglect, physical abuse, psychological or emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.

Emotional abuse is defined as the production of psychological and social deficits in the growth of a child as a result of behavior such as loud yelling, coarse and rude attitude, inattention, harsh criticism, and denigration of the child’s personality. Other examples include name-calling, ridicule, degradation, destruction of personal belongings, torture or killing of a pet, excessive criticism, inappropriate or excessive demands, withholding communication, and routine labeling or humiliation.

Victims of emotional abuse may react by distancing themselves from the abuser, internalizing the abusive words, or fighting back by insulting the abuser. Emotional abuse can result in abnormal or disrupted attachment development, a tendency for victims to blame themselves (self-blame) for the abuse, learned helplessness, and overly passive behavior.

Effects of child sexual abuse include guilt and self-blame, flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia, fear of things associated with the abuse (including objects, smells, places, doctor’s visits, etc.), self-esteem issues, sexual dysfunction, chronic pain, addiction, self-injury, suicidal ideation, somatic complaints, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, other mental illnesses (including borderline personality disorder and dissociative identity disorder, propensity to re-victimization in adulthood, bulimia nervosa, physical injury to the child, among other problems.

In the United States, approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often brothers, fathers, mothers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases. In over one-third of cases, the perpetrator is also a minor.

An estimated 905,000 children were victims of child abuse or neglect in 2006 (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2008). While physical injuries may or may not be immediately visible, abuse and neglect can have consequences for children, families, and society that last lifetimes, if not generations. 2012 there are 60 million adult survivors of child abuse.

Researchers also have begun to explore why, given similar conditions, some children experience long-term consequences of abuse and neglect while others emerge relatively unscathed. The ability to cope, and even thrive, following a negative experience is sometimes referred to as “resilience.” A number of protective and pro-motive factors may contribute to an abused or neglected child’s resilience. These include individual characteristics, such as optimism, self-esteem, intelligence, creativity, humor, and independence, as well as the acceptance of peers and positive individual influences such as teachers, mentors, and role models. (Fraser & Terzian, 2005).

Today we are 60 million survivors strong.


10 thoughts on “The Real Truth behind Adam Lanza

  1. I have a friend who is an incest survivor. She wasn’t following the Newtown massacre real close – just looking at the news blurbs. However when I told her that Adam Lanza whom she knew was a loner under the care his mother, that he had shot her four times in the head, she said she thought he might have been an incest victim. I admit at first I dismissed that, but — I know she knows first hand about being victimized like this and the rage that can com out of it. So, on second thought – this may be a possibility. Yet beyond this blog hardly anybody on the net wondering about it and those few that have were immediately dismissed by others as going too far with speculation.

    Will we ever know for sure? Adam totally destroyed his computer – so much so that the FBI has not been able to get any information off of it. He also did not subscribe to Facebook or Twitter or any other social media Therefore, unless something turns up in the next few weeks, there is a great chance that Adam Lanza took any dark secrets of his home life to the grave.


    1. I agree. I am a survivor also. I thank you for reading my blog. I know society closes their eyes when it comes to dealing with THEIR SECRETS. I feel this is the venue to open their eyes, please send love to your friend, hugs and tell them, I LOVE THEM, one sister who also survived. Healed and now THRIVE. I talk about it, that’s the only way to Make them hear us. Sending love to you for acknowledging the facts, it could have been. You are a smile on many of our faces, when 1 stands up, thats more than we had yesterday. Always love Teresa


  2. I completely agree with you. I can’t stand to read people describe his mother as an innocent victim and act like mental illness just spontaneously emerges to burden ‘perfect, loving parents.’ I’m sure my neighbors would describe my own sexually, physically, and verbally abusive mother as normal and perfect (though an alcoholic…) I remember one neighbor called her ‘cute’ once. The moment I heard the story I thought about what his mother must have done to cause him to kill her, and take vengeance on the community that put her on a pedestal while shaking their heads at him, the unprotected, abandoned boy.


    1. I am so grateful, you responded. I feel society, needs to take their heads outta the world of excuses and deal with real life issues and the effects of mental illness. I have said it once and I will say it again, They only want to deal with the pretty stuff, good names that don’t identify their own roles in the abuses in this country. They continue to close the door. They want to go to extremes and take the real issues away from what triggered this young man to display such hate. My position, to keep talking about it, asking people to keep sending out this blog and leaving post. I will not stop talking about the issues that effects so many of MY SISTERS & BROTHERS. Abuse, kills. always love Teresa


  3. This is ridiculous. No proof excists that she was abusing this kid. This kid was a spoiled brat that was allowed to stay home and watch violent video games. What kid does this? My son is only 11 years old and is not allowed any video games. I am the mother and actually tell him what he can do. Video games are addictive and produce stupid kids….. He also would not talk to anyone. He sure talked when he was shooting and screeming “Let me in”. This kid was never corrected… She left him alone for 3 days while she vacationed in New Hampshire. Adam Lanza was burning himself with a lighter. Why would you leave him alone… isn’t he a threat if he is burning himself. No college, no job…. just sit home in front of the computer and kill people with machine guns all day long. My son is also not allowed any toy guns, because I don’t want him to play shooting people. They become what they are taught……. He was taught that he could do and act whatever way he wanted. No respect for people and the world we live in and not even his own mother. The hairdresser that cut his hair stated that he would not talk or answer her. Give me a break. If I was the mother of this kid, he better answer people and show them respect and eye contact. My son is taught to open doors for women and to say excuse me when he walks by them in a tight space. Kids do not know unless they are taught. Oh yeah, I almost forgot that she did teach him something. She taught him to shoot her guns at the shooting range. She thought this would give him confidence. Kids get confidence from there parents who love and care for them and yes set boundaries and rules and teach morales and values and especially teach CHARACTER. That is doing what is right when no one is looking. Kids learn from example and from being praised when they are doing good. I am a single parent and would not think of leaving my child at night to go and drink in a bar. Seems as though there was no priorities for Adam just Nancy. Now all of the poor little children of Newtown have to pay the price for her lack of parenting and teaching. Oh yeah money sure does buy happiness.


    1. Greetings Tina,
      What sounds ridiculous is the fact that a kid that shoot his mother in the face 4 x’s did it because of video games? Nancy abused her son. A kid that has been abused is; 3x’s more likely to suffer from depression,6x’s more likely to suffer ptsd, 13x’s more likely to abuse alcohol, 26 x’s more likely to abuse drugs and 4x’s more likely to contemplate suicide. Adam didn’t do drugs,didn’t do,alcohol. He did cut himself, which was a form of him screaming out for help, when the marks are on a kid/adults body they want someone to help them. When you have been sexually abused by your mother, society gives her control. You say things like, THAT’s your mother for god’s sake. Mother knows best. Nobody would help this kid, like many victims of abuse, because they choose to ignore them. Especially when they have money, and the ability to live the American dream. Whats really scary, how easy it is for abusers to abuse your children. sexually by a parYou for example Tina; single parent, Mr./Mrs. Charming comes along, wine you, dine you, put a little money in your pocket, buyts great things for your son. The perfect role model. Your new partner and you decide to live together, the family loves them. A few months after living together or even being married, your son begins to wet the bed, he stops communicating with you. Your partner says he’s just being a typical teenager. You just agree. Would your child be able to come to you and say, they were being abused and YOU believe him?Just food for thought. How about the boys at Penn State?Florida Boys Home? (49 bodies & still counting)Catholic Church?Boy Scouts of America. Nancy was the perfect abuser; she told everyone how crazy Adam was. Adam showed extreme behavior changes, extremely passive, frequently rocking, delayed in physical or emotional development, attempted suicide, showed a lack of attachment to his parent. Adam directed his anger at those children, have you thought thats the age Nancy start abusing him, and he wanted to keep those kids from his fate, being damaged goods? The point is until we walk out of darkness and create the awareness that abuse does NOT discriminate. People must deal with their demons and tell the truth, which is a very hard thing for most. To deal with the truth and change. I as a survivor will be the voices of other victims and survivors. The awareness must be their. Good Luck Tina, keep those rose colored glasses off and look at what you don’t see, follow your intuition it could stop/help another victim. Always love Teresa


  4. I am sorry for what’s been done to you. But you are basing your assumptions on your own experience, not on anything you read or found out about the Lanza family. I do believe Adam was sexually abused, but NOT by his mother. If the mother was the source of the problem, I doubt she would be going around buying him guns, taking him to shooting practices and telling people how difficult his behavior was coming. She’d try to hide it, won’t you say? If she was to blame for anything, it’s for being oblivious that her son was screwed up and not seeking help earlier. No. I think the “pedophile priest theory” is more likely. He was abused as a kid. When he couldn’t seek help for it, he tried to rationalize it. Read some stuff on pedophilia and pedophiles. And like all those who have been abused, maybe in an attempt to make more sense of it, he may have felt he “understood” his abuser. And may have, from obsessive reading, even considered himself a sympathizer [i have been sexually abused by a distant family member; whom i used to feel sorry for and then rage against at the same time. In my case, atleast, he wasn’t much older]. Anywho… I believe that’s probably what happened. He hated himself, he hated the vulnerable child he was and so went for the closest thing he could get to killing the child he was: other defenseless kids. It’s a suicide of sorts. Only, it just didn’t take [only] him with it.


    1. Dear Abesheet,

      I disagree with you. Why is it so hard for society to think women DO NOT SEXUALLY abuse their own children? Our society has been so unfair to young men that has been victims of abuse. Lil Wayne said he was abused, society joked about it. Kenney Anderson came out and said he was sexually abused 2xs in his childhood. People call him a hoe because he has been sexually active, men have the same dynamics of women when they have been abused. It saddens me when we take the pressure off of women who abuse there children, when people know women are aware of the abuse taking place inside the home and do nothing. I will not allow the conversation to stop about women abusing there sons, we cannot help any of our children when we discriminate who is an abuser and who is not. Thank you for your comment, I apologize for it taking a minute to respond. Keep healing and being the difference in someones life. Lateresa mentioned you were a victim, I was not able to be the person God created me to be until I healed, therapy


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