As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I continue to grow in this journey called life. I met a few male survivors of abuse. One young man was sexually abused by his mother. He stated as a young man, after his father passed his mother would put him in her bed at night to sleep with her. His mom performed oral sex on him on a regular basis. So it wasn’t unusual for him to have orgasms. He said he knew it felt good so he thought it was OK and no one ever talked about it being called rape when a boy has sex(it was not discussed when a boy has sex with his mother). He stated he slept in the bed regularly with his mother and they had sex as a normal way of life. They the mother and son went to visit relatives one holiday, they (the mother and son) slept together in the same bed, she raped him as usual. The family member whose home they were at addressed the mother and she said it was true, after her husband died he became her lover. The family addressed the issue and the young man along with other family members were able to attend counseling. The second man I met he, his mother and siblings lived in the home with his grandparents after the mother had fled from a physically abusive relationship. His grandparents slept in two different rooms, so he slept in the room with his grandfather, in the bed with his grandfather. He stated his grandfather would rape him and he wasn’t sure if it was right or wrong. He also stated he couldn’t tell his mother because he felt as though it would destroy her. For many years he lived with this pain on the inside and outside and because his father was so abusive to his mother, and his siblings he felt if he said anything, his grandparents would put them out on the street.The grandfather was the sexual abuser, the man in his 40″s now has obtained counseling but has never told his mother of the abuse. Makes me think that’s why he is still in so much pain, continuing to protect the abuser. The third man, older in his late 50’s, very humble was in a past relationship for seven years, never hit, hollower-ed or screamed at the woman. He said she threw irons at him anything she could get her hands on, punched him in the face at any moment, beat him with pots and pans, cursed and belittled him on a regular basis. He said for years, her behavior was out of control. Finally, the relationship dissolved. He would meet and date women they would verbally tell him he was weak, and didn’t act like the man. He always allowed them to be in control of the relationship due to the fear of rejection. Finally, he decided after several bad relationships he needed help but was to embarrassed to obtain counseling. I can proudly say, I was able to refer him to RAINN, he met the criteria of being physically abused. The thing I think about the most in reference to these men, we have to remember all women don’t do the right thing and a lot of them are rapist, abusers, just criminals. We must make sure the services that are offered to women are offered to men alike. In a sense I feel we as a society have discriminated against men. PENN State is one of the few examples of men being abused and becoming adult survivors, living to talk about it , breaking the silence. Our first lesson is to listen to what our boys have to say, then we can protect our sons, our grandsons, our husbands, friends and boyfriends and let them know, we do understand and they shouldn’t be afraid they can and should seek counseling. I apologize with all my heart for not being compassionate enough to realize you to have been on a journey. Now, we all travel this journey together and welcome my brothers who are survivors.
Always Love Teresa